Hi, I am Zoya and I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis on my 16th birthday (yay). This is a physical disability that affects the nerves and the brain. The time period around my diagnosis was very chaotic, resulting in me having to drop out of school a few weeks later. This uncalled-for change made me feel like my entire life had been uprooted
As a teenage girl I spent the first ten years of my life in Pakistan before moving to England, rotating between two polar opposite cultures always seemed like quite a bizarre concept to me. After my diagnosis my teen years got even more haywire, haha. Days were filled with extremes of highs and lows; fatigue, cognitive issues, hot flushes, pain and days where I just couldn’t get out of bed. Looking back now it must have been extremely confusing for my peers to have this friend who had suddenly become very low on energy and life after being pretty loud and annoying! How I would cancel on social gatherings after being a total extrovert? But the truth is that I was struggling, I didn’t know how to express what I was feeling and didn’t want to burden my friends with my problems as everyone has their own issues. However, a combination of time, more experience with my symptoms and having started studying Psychology and Education I now have a greater understanding of the importance of empathy and concepts such as the “strength in vulnerability”. I believe this should be taught to more young people.
There is no cure for MS, nor do doctors know what has caused it. However, through my exploration of alternative medicines I have realised that stress is a major factor for most autoimmune issues. Stress management is how I have kept my symptoms at their minimum. Most of my symptoms stay invisible, however the degree of impairment does vary day to day: the pain in my hands and feet, energy levels, my mental health and feelings of anxiousness do still get triggered (as I am sure most of you can relate to). But the scariest part for me is the fear of the unknown and how my illness will progress.
At university I have found I need to be very honest and realistic with myself, focusing on each day. I used to plan out every day in detail in advance, but now I stick to a rough plan for the week whilst still trying to implement a strict morning routine. I have found this stabilizes me and enables my body to dictate how much I achieve on that day without feeling guilty for not achieving the targets I had set.
I would say my diagnosis of MS was quite tough initially, but the amount of growth it has enabled has been life changing – in the best way possible. Given that my impairment is not visible, my biggest challenge was that I struggled to relate to my fellow peers, leaving me feeling isolated. It is only now, over five years after my diagnosis, that I have slowly been able to adjust my approach and way of life. I can now say I am proud to identify as disabled. This acceptance of change and adaptation to circumstance is why I volunteered to run as a Disabled Officer for the Student Union.
When I was writing this, getting my closest friends to read it took more courage than to just write it for students who don’t know me, and that says a lot. I hope by taking up this role I can help create a space where we encourage vulnerability, and together try to see how much strength we can find within it- because I promise it is there.